It's damn cold here!!!!!!!

Man!!!! like the title states.. its super cold here!!!!!!! you know i went to the bei jing olympic's stadium the temp was like -10 around there... man and the worse part is that the wind was blowing very very strong!!!!!! so the temp is cold and u r like already freazing along and with the wind blowing all the cold air towards you!!!!!! dude do u know even wearing a thick pair of gloves, my hands were still damn cold. i got to somewhere warm and bloody hell u can feel the biting feeling on the hand cause ur hands r soo cold den u go into a warm area, wht the fu** man... its really damn cold!!! clder than great wall man... what the hell i wear until so warm but not enough.. i have no idea how the hell the china peeps can take it.. over there u r so cold then u see some china people wlking past u without a hat or glove like nothin at all to them.. how the hell man.. wa lau no idea how cold its gonna be tomorrow man. u know if the wasn't any wind, it would be ok. but cause of the wind blowing all the cold air towards u. man i mean its soo strong that it feels like a small kid is pushing u.. thats like how strong the wind is blowing.. all the time.. a strong gust of wind is worse... man hope tomorrow will be better man...

Fun.... never felt like this in a long time.... part 2

Fun.... like i said.. nvr felt like it in a long time... u know how u used to be blurr in kindergarten and u had jus met a new kid and then ten seconds later ur playing like u have no care in the world? well my ten seconds were a realy long ten seconds... that short ten seconds felt like an eternity to me.... i had no friends in kindergarten... everyone thought i was weird... i remember i was pushed by a boy.. he pushed me to a bench so hard, i tripped and hit myself jus abouve the eye... i don't even remember the pain... i guessed i had knocked out... i woke up sittin on a chair with 2 teachers lookin at me... and cleaning the blood.. then they said they would call my parents.... after that, i knocked out again... guess its because of the loss of blood that made me feel sick and blurr.... i woke up in a hospital.. of course the wound was so bad hat i needed stitches... hey dun go thinkin that they will put u to sleep.. the doctor had to stitch me while i was awake.. bad time to stay awake... it hurt soooooo much... anyway.. continueing... i was bullied in kindergarten and in primary and now sec... the only friends i ever had were ching wei.. i met him in kindergarten... of course my meetin with him was an accident... joshua kovipilay.. met him in primary. and reylan.. also met in primary... and now. i would be happy to say that i can add another friend into the picture of my best friends... HOPE YOUR READING THIS FIRDAUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! YUP ITS U... thanks bud... =) my friends were the only ones who made me laugh.. my best friends were the ones who made me laugh the most... ever since i left kindergarten, i have nvr felt fun anymore... other than meeting my 2 other best friends... but goin bak. i had nvr felt any fun after that... i finally felt wad fun was like after goin to the class chalet... the fun i felt was jus like when i met my best friends. those class mates who went to the challet, those were my friends and firdaus was my best friends (no offence to the others) now i feal like i was bak in kindergarten.. this fun will stay with me till i die...

I'M BAK!!!!!! NOT FOR LONG THOUGH

WOOOOHOOOOOO bak from australia!!!!!!!!!!!! U know something? australia is summer time but the weird thing is that its cold over there.......... freaky........ and theres rain.... usually during summer, plants will turn brown but somehow, they all remain green cause of the freaky weather..... i blame it on gobal warming.... anyway, i was at bondi (bon-die) beach like 2 days ago and it was like very sunny and EXTREMELY windy.... so u will get pelted by sand when the wind blows.... u might think it will be nice to gon into the warm water but u are sooooo wrong!!!!!!!!!!!! the water is fuc**** cold man... the water there is from the pacific ocean!!!!!! the waves are nice so u can body surf or surf but the water is damn cold man.. its like ice water!!!!!!!

fun.... never felt like dis in a long time... part 1

The challet was very fun... I haven't felt like that in a long time... denverson and i were actually having fun... we got along quite well together. our guess was because there was no more stress about school and all that which was y we actually got along soo well.. day 1 was fun although if i wasn't soo lazy to leave my house, (iit was a monday and i hate monadays even when it is the holidays.. don't ask me y...) i might have been able to get there and go to wild wild wet together wif the others... oh well.. during the day, the bbq wasn't sooo successful but after the day, when everyone else was gone but the boys staying over, the bbq was allot more successful... denverson and i were trying to get e fire but the fire died of very fast... no more fire starter... soo wad did we do? hmhmhmhmhm gues u gonna have to wait for me to post the second part....

To Be Continued...

End Of Part 1

confused

i'm soooooooo confused. i don't know how to continue to live on in the dark. will some one ever help me and pull me out to see the light??? this pain is something that is always inside of me.... no one knows about it.... its been kept inside of mefor sooo long.... yet no matter how much i try to get rid of the pain.... it always come back.... am i to forever live in the emptyness of the darkness and live forever in the shadow alone nvr to see the light?????? i don't want to but... i jus can't seem to rid myself of this pain.... knowing that i am hated by everyone..... even those that i love...... (not my family) i don't even know if i have friends.... many people take me for the person they see on the outside... hot headed, always wanting the attention... yes it is true that i am hot headed.. i get angry easily.. yes i do try to get attention from people but.... i live in a whole other secret life that no one knows of.... and having that secret life (which i have already told you guys) is what makes me feel like i am totally different than everyone else... like i am all alone.... in my class, the students there do alot of funny things that they enjoy doing but.... to me, those acts are just stupid.... like some one from my class who bets with people when he trows a papper ball into the trash bin... some find it fun.. i find it stupid... many other things as well......... i jus don't know y i am soo different.... guess i will nvr figure it out... right now, the only thing i'm trying to figure out is how am i to release myself from the pain and darkness.

Tag board... true friends.... true love.....

hey guys... wondering why i'm so down? i was jus lookin at all the comments some people made......... jus by lookin at those comments like wad denverson gave me many time over.... i feel as if part of me has jus went back into the darkness.... like i am never to come out and see the light..... i say i have friends but.... are they really friends? yes they make u laugh they help u at times but.... the friends i have..... when given something hard... they nvr stay next to me... friends stay and help u when u are in trouble but... mine will run.... and then they come back to u when u r out of trouble and act as if nthin had happened at all... are they really counted as true friends... if not... then i don't have any..... its scary to be alone in the dark..... and now... i feel as if i need the dark to stay alive.... but even though i need the dark... i don't wanna be left alone in the dark.... it hurts but.. this pain.... i somehow have learned to like it... even though no matter how much i like this pain...... part of me feels like i shouldn't be suffering this pain.... when i saw the tag board.... many things have hurt me, somehad no effect on me.. but the few that hurt me the most were those that stated i had no friends and one in paricular from someone whom i will not say the name which said that nicole yang is a nice girl and she doesn't nd u!!! (pls do not blame this person. be it a he or a she)... that one really hurt me the most..... i don't even know if i like nicole yang anymore but jus lookin at it....... i dunno i jus felt like i had jus went straight back into the darkness and was locked there..... i nd some one who will show me wad a true friend is...... and if possible a girl who would love me and i mean really love me..... not in a disgusting way.... and i dun mean love as in family love but.... true love..... i know its abit gay but hey.. for some one who has stayed in the dark for soo long..... i don't even know if i want true love because i'm curious or not..... oh well.... i gtg... gotta dental appointment.... talk again another time......

thanks everyone

Heh ....... long time no post eh? i guess i was jus afraid of people spamming bout wad i am saying...... dats y i didn't post for soo long...... well???? wad should i say? firstly, thanks to all of u for showing me the light.... even all that u guys have done for me, part of me seems to remain hidden in the dark... not to come out... half of me is out but the other half seems to remain hidden... that half jus somehow seems to want to remain in the dark... y? i have no idea.... don't know if that half has to be pulled out of the dark with the help of other people or by myself... i jus can't seem to do it... maybe i'm really not strong enough to do all this by myself.... remain hidden in the dark all alone is hard... even for half of me to see the light is soo hard to do... needing soo many people to do it.. all this while i've been tinking that i'm the one helping everyone and no one is helping me... but.... everyone around me............... almost everyone around me has been trying to help me to see that even when there is darkness... sometimes the light can still shine.... i bet u guys have like no idea what i am saying right now eh???? hahahaha. well some of you might understand and some might not.... but.. to those that have been helping me all these while.. even those that i hate like Denverson... thanks... you hear me denverson???? thanks man... looks like u in the end actually helped me out!!! amazing aint it??? some one that u hate ends up helping you.... but i especially wanna thank siu suan, wey han, venusa, shermaine, li yin (ex-classmate), hayley (ex-classmate) and all those that have posted GOOD things about me in the shout out box!!!!!!!!! and those that tried to talk sense into me on msn!!!! u guys somehow (along with denverson) have helped me the most... THANKS ALL OF YOU FOR SHOWING ME..... HALF OF ME THE LIGHT. and to ALL OF YOU OUT THERE LOOKING AT THIS!!!! ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAYS WHILE YOU CAN CAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE SO LIVE IT WEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meant to be alone...

So everyone hates me.... Y? u guys find me irritating. den DON'T EVEN BOTHER TALKING TO ME!!!!!! By talking to me, ur just wasting mins of your life so shut up!!!!!! if siu suan hates me... den ur right.. i won't bother. in fact... y should i even bother living huh????!!!! I hate being alone..... NO ONE AND I REPEAT NO ONE!!! knows the real me... Everyone thinks i'm an annoying and irritating bastard... but i only pretend to be like that because, if i showed the real me.... everyone would think i'm a weirdo.. but it seems like no matter what i do... everyone still has the same thinkin about me..... so what should i do now? so am i suppose to be alone forever??? All right. i'll tell u the true me...
I love nature.. Romance, and every single animal on the planet even though i'm afraid of insects i love music and dancin... I love badminton, running and now i am starting to like softball...all right? but y?!!! I DON'T KNOW Y!!!!! this is jus me.. all right.. i'm sick of pretending to be something i'm not.... i want people to like me for who i am... i want friends who help me... not like most of the classmates who just use me to get things for their own personal gain...... i want real friends who really stay by my side.... but no one ever does this to me... no one. i always feel so left out in groups.... the boys have their own group and friends. the girls also have their own groups and friends. but.... me... i'm nothin.... i'm jus an asshol*, an idiot, a know it all, a snob and whatever names people can come up with for me...... i'm jus nothing..... i'm not good at anything... even the simplest of things like making friends has only happened to me four times.. and thats it...... i have no other friends... but even having just four friends?.... now that we r in secondary school. these for friends have made new friends and i'm left with nothing again... jus alone by myself.... nthin more nthin less.....

Yo! nthn much to say today actually...... all i have to say is that i am destined to be alone forever.. i guess since no one likes me... at all.... dats y i like the 2 songs in the music part..... the 2 songs make me think of nothing else at all except my best friends... cing wei, reylan, joshua... haizzz none of us are free at all... how can i hang with my best friends???? haizzz... see wad i meen by being alone forever??... haizz oh well.... dats one good thing about being alone.. u dont have to worry bout anyone else but urself...... but its a different thing for me..... the closest thing i have are my best friend. dats y when they get in trouble, i'll do anything to protect my friends. I will die saving them if i have to..... i'll never give up.....

Soooo many people hate me...... should i care??? am i suppose to be alone all the time??? if siu suan trusted me 100% den y did she keep sooo many secrets about me and doesn't even bother to listen to me??? maybe i am suppose to be alone forever eh??? i mean who am i kiddin? i can't trust anyone anymore.... everyone looks at me from one view only... dat i am horrible, violent, emo.. etc........ no one really knows the real me...... i guess i do all those things because by being myself, everyone will think i'm a weirdo and hate me even more..... i've been doing that for soo long dat i don't even know myself anymore...... no more...... i can never understand anyone.....dats y i keep my best friends close to me........ because they r the closest things i've got besides my family..... but even that plan is failing me now.... what am i to do now????

Diaozz.

Hey wads wif all the bad coments about me??!! If u dun like me... den don't speak to me lar.... even if u do want to say that u hate me den jus say it to me straight.... dun need to use soo many different ways to tell me wad.... haizzzzzzz so wad if siu suan hates me..... so???? y should i really bother.... if anyone can answer this question.... den i can say that ur the smartest person in the world....... Q: What is the meaning of life???? lets see if anyone can give a GOOD and SENSIBLE answer to this question...

HAIZZZZZZZZZZZ

Diao i still very de bored.. i noe.... i'm always bored..hehe sry for not posting much for the past few days... busy.. wif... softball... i'm feel like i like the sport anymore..... it feels diferent when i play and enjoy it rather than i play but dun have my heart in the game... i like de game still but.... i don't know it jus feels soo diferent... badminton is still my fav sport though..... haiz. now i in school. our teacher allow us to use his laptop bcause we doin our rehearsel for teacher's day in class.... haizzzzz.......but then the students siu suan and cherlyn who r suppose to do the dance are missin.. well cherlyn went for choir while siu suan went to search for her..... and i'm left alone in the class.... we're suppose to return the lap top at 3.30...ooops its almost 3.30 already....shit!!! now i got one more thing to add to my 'things to do'... 1) Look for siu suan. 2) Return the laptop and power suply. 3) Look for cherlyn. 4) Go and eat. 5)go home and study. 6)do tuition home work. (i actually forgot about that. i just remembered that i haven't done my tuition homework yet.) and 7) Do house work.... oh well thats life.. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i gotta go.. tok again ltr when i get home.. hmmm 8) Blog.... shit oh well c ya

Haiz..... sooooo bored le... one thing good though, PARENTS not HOME!!!!!!! YEA!!! can slack even more hahahaha... haizzzzz even slacking oso can be very boring ... haizzzzzz i askin my frends if they r free or not, some nvr reply me... sian

Haiz holidays r startin...... I have no plans at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. dunno wad to do.... slack oso can be very borin..... haiz wad to do????? some more holiday still have stinkin softball trainin.. 9A.M!!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE MORNIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haiz... some of my frends oso not free.... haiz....... so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so bored!!!!!! well there is one good news... we won a game against woodland rings sec in a aoft ball game... haiz.... even now i oso dunno wad to do.... oh well... hmph i am gettin quite hungry...... oh! maybe i can bake..... haiz... no ingredients or the utensils to bake.... haiz... i think i'll go cook now... haha bet u didn't noe i could cook did ya? hahaha

Haiz today have softball game against orchid park... we got trashed. 29-0
0! le 0 le... haiz... so sad. but i didn't really bother about the game.. to tell u the truth, i don't really bother about softball at all. well okmaybe i do bother about softball as i am a sports person. but during the game, i didn't really bother about anything else except one person.
Nicole Yang.
u see i really like her alot and the thing is dat, she is in orchid park secondary. so of course i will definetly be happy to c her again. and when i got home, she finally called me after soooo long... so today was most likely to be the hapiest day of my life... but it didn't turn out to be sooo happy in the afternoon. siu suan (my mei mei not real life ah) was not happy and she started crying and cutting herself. so of course as a 'kor' i will be worried, so i tried to tok to her. but then she shouted at me. so of course i will be hurt. den i toked to her on msn and she said sorry. and she explained to me y she shouted at me. so i obviously will be relieved. and obviously, the best thing that happened to me today was being able to meet the one i like.... i meant lo.......v.........e allot today. Nicole I love ya too much liao... i'm crazy about ya!!!!!
oops probably shouldn't have said dat haha. nvm even if nicole sees dis, she won't mind because she already knows.

YES!!!!!!!! exam is soooo over now... i can slack all day if i want. hahaha play god of war, or monster hunter freedom 2 or jus sleep. or i can update my blog. but main point i can SLACK!!!! wahooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Sigh... today got Geography exam..... dis time better lar... this time the paper actually made me think really really hard to find the answers to the questions...... i think i thought too much dat i have no more energy.. Ouch!!!!! And now i'm gettin a really bad head ache..... I think.... Ouch!!!!!! shit dat hurt...... man next time. remind me not to think too much during exams ok???

Diao... today math paper like damn easy lor. alot of the other students all say very hard le very hard le.... but i find it damn f****** easy lar.... so lame. tomorrow got Geog paper. so sian. but one thing good hapened to me today... siu suan (my friend) gave me another chance and we became friends again.... even if i have no idea wad i did to make her angry at me.... lame right? sigh.... my other primary school friends all telling me to change because i always so emo all the time so today i tried to be ''happy'' the whole day in school. I did it... but it felt damn weird after i got back home... not used to being so happy all the time lar dats y..... ususally i always very emo one.. some people will get scared of me and some people will make un of me.. but don't really bother any way.. i mean dat has happened to me since primary school so its like damn common to me lor...... diao now i oso noting much to say anymore... haiz.... the person i like still not online le... wan to tok to her oso cannot. call her oso kanna rejected... dunno y lar... any way i'm not gonna tell u hu is it i like... no its not siu suan.. ok so maybe i like siu suan a little but i only liked her in primary school.... now its some one else... oops looks like i toked too much hahaha so sorry to be wasting ur time when u could be out thwere rotting to hell haha jk jk.. well c ya

I miss my friends a lot.. i realise how much i missed those days in primary school.. do nothing but play the whole day. now in sec school so boring. eigther i have remedial or CCA den come bak very late. If no rem edial or CCA den whole day do homework... diao so sian... now i miss my friends...... SO BORING!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh............ tomorrow is math exam for mid year.... my math already so pro still nd to take exam.... diao waste of time lar. dat exam only a simple homework for me lar... not really worried... today like nthin much to sae le.. very sian... go out bowling oso very sian.... to day very weird lor....sigh wad to do... after exam slack lor..... wad else.. go fren house play game lar. go arcade hang out wif friends oso can be very sian after awhile... so boring now sigh.....

miserable

I finally found out y i was so miserable all the time. i always tought it was because i had no friends as i was always angry and scary to other people. which was wad made me so emo all the time... but i only found out the truth today after doing something wrong for 6 years. it wasn't because i had no friends, i had all the friends i needed and more. but the reason y they left me was because i treated them badly and used them. which was y i was always alone. it was my fault all the time and yet i didn't know. siu suan (used to be my friend) should have all the right to be angry at me. she believed in friends when all i did was took advantage of them. i'm sob sorry to every one. fidaus, cing wei, joshua kovipilai, sherlyn, raylen, joshua chua, syafiq, mirza daniel, jayson chong, mick lim, lam thao boon, vanessa ong, jing ting, tian ning siu suan nicole yang, nicole cheng, li yin and every one else. it was and has always been my fault and i hope ui can forgive me even if it impossible for u to forget wad i have done... i'm so sorry. and to Siu Suan- i apologose to u the most for making u so sad. i hope we can still remain best friends 4eva...because now i believe in being friends forever and i hope u can gime another chance.

Friday 25-4-2008

Shit!!!! mid year papers are here... but i'm not that worried actually... well ok i am worried but only for chinese..... just had my History paper 2dae.. ok lar. quite easy actually. ah wad de heck. it was tooo easy... and now i really feel like shouting out something... I LOVE NICOLE YANG hahahahaha!!!!! dats beder... hahaha. well hope u guys like the music...

My story..... some one help i dunno wad to do!!!!

Would some one (SIU SUAN) or any one pls help me!!!!! its been too long and i can't remember wad to do... ok fine. i don't know wad to do. my previous blog really didn't have much in it. just 2 posts. and it kinda sucked.... hehe not really bothered by it though. so can some one please help me wif this blog. come on please? i'm not kiddin this time.

My Previous Blog

Yo sorry it took so long. if u had known. i had a previous blog but i cant remember wad it is hahaha. lame right?
well too tell u the truth i haven't done this in a really really long time. not used to it le. but hey this is my diary now..... u gotta be kiddin right?
of course not. this isn't my diary... this is my story..... nah. well whatever this is, its all up to u ton read. well hey enjoy...... hahaha no but seriously....