fun.... never felt like dis in a long time... part 1

The challet was very fun... I haven't felt like that in a long time... denverson and i were actually having fun... we got along quite well together. our guess was because there was no more stress about school and all that which was y we actually got along soo well.. day 1 was fun although if i wasn't soo lazy to leave my house, (iit was a monday and i hate monadays even when it is the holidays.. don't ask me y...) i might have been able to get there and go to wild wild wet together wif the others... oh well.. during the day, the bbq wasn't sooo successful but after the day, when everyone else was gone but the boys staying over, the bbq was allot more successful... denverson and i were trying to get e fire but the fire died of very fast... no more fire starter... soo wad did we do? hmhmhmhmhm gues u gonna have to wait for me to post the second part....

To Be Continued...

End Of Part 1

confused

i'm soooooooo confused. i don't know how to continue to live on in the dark. will some one ever help me and pull me out to see the light??? this pain is something that is always inside of me.... no one knows about it.... its been kept inside of mefor sooo long.... yet no matter how much i try to get rid of the pain.... it always come back.... am i to forever live in the emptyness of the darkness and live forever in the shadow alone nvr to see the light?????? i don't want to but... i jus can't seem to rid myself of this pain.... knowing that i am hated by everyone..... even those that i love...... (not my family) i don't even know if i have friends.... many people take me for the person they see on the outside... hot headed, always wanting the attention... yes it is true that i am hot headed.. i get angry easily.. yes i do try to get attention from people but.... i live in a whole other secret life that no one knows of.... and having that secret life (which i have already told you guys) is what makes me feel like i am totally different than everyone else... like i am all alone.... in my class, the students there do alot of funny things that they enjoy doing but.... to me, those acts are just stupid.... like some one from my class who bets with people when he trows a papper ball into the trash bin... some find it fun.. i find it stupid... many other things as well......... i jus don't know y i am soo different.... guess i will nvr figure it out... right now, the only thing i'm trying to figure out is how am i to release myself from the pain and darkness.

Tag board... true friends.... true love.....

hey guys... wondering why i'm so down? i was jus lookin at all the comments some people made......... jus by lookin at those comments like wad denverson gave me many time over.... i feel as if part of me has jus went back into the darkness.... like i am never to come out and see the light..... i say i have friends but.... are they really friends? yes they make u laugh they help u at times but.... the friends i have..... when given something hard... they nvr stay next to me... friends stay and help u when u are in trouble but... mine will run.... and then they come back to u when u r out of trouble and act as if nthin had happened at all... are they really counted as true friends... if not... then i don't have any..... its scary to be alone in the dark..... and now... i feel as if i need the dark to stay alive.... but even though i need the dark... i don't wanna be left alone in the dark.... it hurts but.. this pain.... i somehow have learned to like it... even though no matter how much i like this pain...... part of me feels like i shouldn't be suffering this pain.... when i saw the tag board.... many things have hurt me, somehad no effect on me.. but the few that hurt me the most were those that stated i had no friends and one in paricular from someone whom i will not say the name which said that nicole yang is a nice girl and she doesn't nd u!!! (pls do not blame this person. be it a he or a she)... that one really hurt me the most..... i don't even know if i like nicole yang anymore but jus lookin at it....... i dunno i jus felt like i had jus went straight back into the darkness and was locked there..... i nd some one who will show me wad a true friend is...... and if possible a girl who would love me and i mean really love me..... not in a disgusting way.... and i dun mean love as in family love but.... true love..... i know its abit gay but hey.. for some one who has stayed in the dark for soo long..... i don't even know if i want true love because i'm curious or not..... oh well.... i gtg... gotta dental appointment.... talk again another time......

thanks everyone

Heh ....... long time no post eh? i guess i was jus afraid of people spamming bout wad i am saying...... dats y i didn't post for soo long...... well???? wad should i say? firstly, thanks to all of u for showing me the light.... even all that u guys have done for me, part of me seems to remain hidden in the dark... not to come out... half of me is out but the other half seems to remain hidden... that half jus somehow seems to want to remain in the dark... y? i have no idea.... don't know if that half has to be pulled out of the dark with the help of other people or by myself... i jus can't seem to do it... maybe i'm really not strong enough to do all this by myself.... remain hidden in the dark all alone is hard... even for half of me to see the light is soo hard to do... needing soo many people to do it.. all this while i've been tinking that i'm the one helping everyone and no one is helping me... but.... everyone around me............... almost everyone around me has been trying to help me to see that even when there is darkness... sometimes the light can still shine.... i bet u guys have like no idea what i am saying right now eh???? hahahaha. well some of you might understand and some might not.... but.. to those that have been helping me all these while.. even those that i hate like Denverson... thanks... you hear me denverson???? thanks man... looks like u in the end actually helped me out!!! amazing aint it??? some one that u hate ends up helping you.... but i especially wanna thank siu suan, wey han, venusa, shermaine, li yin (ex-classmate), hayley (ex-classmate) and all those that have posted GOOD things about me in the shout out box!!!!!!!!! and those that tried to talk sense into me on msn!!!! u guys somehow (along with denverson) have helped me the most... THANKS ALL OF YOU FOR SHOWING ME..... HALF OF ME THE LIGHT. and to ALL OF YOU OUT THERE LOOKING AT THIS!!!! ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAYS WHILE YOU CAN CAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE SO LIVE IT WEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meant to be alone...

So everyone hates me.... Y? u guys find me irritating. den DON'T EVEN BOTHER TALKING TO ME!!!!!! By talking to me, ur just wasting mins of your life so shut up!!!!!! if siu suan hates me... den ur right.. i won't bother. in fact... y should i even bother living huh????!!!! I hate being alone..... NO ONE AND I REPEAT NO ONE!!! knows the real me... Everyone thinks i'm an annoying and irritating bastard... but i only pretend to be like that because, if i showed the real me.... everyone would think i'm a weirdo.. but it seems like no matter what i do... everyone still has the same thinkin about me..... so what should i do now? so am i suppose to be alone forever??? All right. i'll tell u the true me...
I love nature.. Romance, and every single animal on the planet even though i'm afraid of insects i love music and dancin... I love badminton, running and now i am starting to like softball...all right? but y?!!! I DON'T KNOW Y!!!!! this is jus me.. all right.. i'm sick of pretending to be something i'm not.... i want people to like me for who i am... i want friends who help me... not like most of the classmates who just use me to get things for their own personal gain...... i want real friends who really stay by my side.... but no one ever does this to me... no one. i always feel so left out in groups.... the boys have their own group and friends. the girls also have their own groups and friends. but.... me... i'm nothin.... i'm jus an asshol*, an idiot, a know it all, a snob and whatever names people can come up with for me...... i'm jus nothing..... i'm not good at anything... even the simplest of things like making friends has only happened to me four times.. and thats it...... i have no other friends... but even having just four friends?.... now that we r in secondary school. these for friends have made new friends and i'm left with nothing again... jus alone by myself.... nthin more nthin less.....

Yo! nthn much to say today actually...... all i have to say is that i am destined to be alone forever.. i guess since no one likes me... at all.... dats y i like the 2 songs in the music part..... the 2 songs make me think of nothing else at all except my best friends... cing wei, reylan, joshua... haizzz none of us are free at all... how can i hang with my best friends???? haizzz... see wad i meen by being alone forever??... haizz oh well.... dats one good thing about being alone.. u dont have to worry bout anyone else but urself...... but its a different thing for me..... the closest thing i have are my best friend. dats y when they get in trouble, i'll do anything to protect my friends. I will die saving them if i have to..... i'll never give up.....

Soooo many people hate me...... should i care??? am i suppose to be alone all the time??? if siu suan trusted me 100% den y did she keep sooo many secrets about me and doesn't even bother to listen to me??? maybe i am suppose to be alone forever eh??? i mean who am i kiddin? i can't trust anyone anymore.... everyone looks at me from one view only... dat i am horrible, violent, emo.. etc........ no one really knows the real me...... i guess i do all those things because by being myself, everyone will think i'm a weirdo and hate me even more..... i've been doing that for soo long dat i don't even know myself anymore...... no more...... i can never understand anyone.....dats y i keep my best friends close to me........ because they r the closest things i've got besides my family..... but even that plan is failing me now.... what am i to do now????