feelings towards her...

i guess some of u might already noe of my feelings towards a certain special someone.. i've already told her and, i can't believe that i actually gonna tell u but, i asked her if i had a chance with her. even the slightest of chance to be wif her but.... when i finally had the courage to call her and ask her wad was her answer, she didn't pick up, i kept gettin rejected by her phone.. now her phone has had a few problems lately (it always has a problem) so i'm not sure if she really rejected me or if it was just her phone acting up (again...). and now that i'm friends wif o-s-s, i'm not sure of hu i like... i don't noe if i like HER because she looks like o-s-s or i like o-s-s because she looks like HER! Damn!!! y does love always find me in the weird and wrong times.... is it even love???? i mean i've liked o-s-s just as long as i have liked HER..... so wad is my mind telling me..... no wads my heart telling me? that i'll nvr find true love? am i to be alone 4 ever?.. i don't want to feel that way.. i'm already soo happy wif all the friends i have... tks guys.. after 2 years of putting up wif my nonsense, it finally paid off. i can see that i'm not without friends... but still... having someone that feels 4 u and u feeling the same way 4 that person.. when u 2 are together, wouldn't that be nice? i want to experience that once, or at least something like it in sec school.. i wanna be like normal students... some peeps say that i'm an act cool guy or smart ass. i don't wanna be that.. i wanna be normal... some things that u guys all noe, i might not noe... and they can be very common things about singapore even.. i didn't noe wad was LTA at first... but all of u already knew.. these things, i wish i was like everyone else...

Long time...

Hey Guys!!!!! Heh long time no say eh? hehe sry... been very lazy to switch my com on and update my blog.... well hmmmmm wad can i say after soo long..... Oh!!! i passed my mother tongue Oral exam!!!!! amazing eh??? heh didn't think i can pull it off.. thought i'd fail again... oh and uhhh haven't been doin much work though... think i should???? anyway, Holidays almost over eh guys? enjoyed yourselves abit? well once holidays are over, torture again.. homework, tests... u noe wad i mean... i've been going for holiday trainings fer softball. I really love the sport now! and Baseball too!!!!! i wanna train hard and win a medal fer the school and fer the team!!! GREANDALE!!!! SOFTBALL!!!!!!!! Come see us train if u guys get the chance.. oops fergot that cca stands down after the holidays... man! oh well.. maybe next year... hmmm i'd better post all i can now as i'm not sure i'll be posting another one anytime soon... oh well.... sigh.. anyway guys, hows life been treatin ya???;-p heh... oh! i got my own personal softball glove!!! its diff from baseball though... not sure y but it is... anyway ummmm i've been asking fer awhile now but uhhh hu is Cailing ? ? i didn't mean to offend u but i really don't noe hu u r... sry oh well... -----
so anyways guys and gals, see ya back in school!!!!!

It's damn cold here!!!!!!!

Man!!!! like the title states.. its super cold here!!!!!!! you know i went to the bei jing olympic's stadium the temp was like -10 around there... man and the worse part is that the wind was blowing very very strong!!!!!! so the temp is cold and u r like already freazing along and with the wind blowing all the cold air towards you!!!!!! dude do u know even wearing a thick pair of gloves, my hands were still damn cold. i got to somewhere warm and bloody hell u can feel the biting feeling on the hand cause ur hands r soo cold den u go into a warm area, wht the fu** man... its really damn cold!!! clder than great wall man... what the hell i wear until so warm but not enough.. i have no idea how the hell the china peeps can take it.. over there u r so cold then u see some china people wlking past u without a hat or glove like nothin at all to them.. how the hell man.. wa lau no idea how cold its gonna be tomorrow man. u know if the wasn't any wind, it would be ok. but cause of the wind blowing all the cold air towards u. man i mean its soo strong that it feels like a small kid is pushing u.. thats like how strong the wind is blowing.. all the time.. a strong gust of wind is worse... man hope tomorrow will be better man...

Fun.... never felt like this in a long time.... part 2

Fun.... like i said.. nvr felt like it in a long time... u know how u used to be blurr in kindergarten and u had jus met a new kid and then ten seconds later ur playing like u have no care in the world? well my ten seconds were a realy long ten seconds... that short ten seconds felt like an eternity to me.... i had no friends in kindergarten... everyone thought i was weird... i remember i was pushed by a boy.. he pushed me to a bench so hard, i tripped and hit myself jus abouve the eye... i don't even remember the pain... i guessed i had knocked out... i woke up sittin on a chair with 2 teachers lookin at me... and cleaning the blood.. then they said they would call my parents.... after that, i knocked out again... guess its because of the loss of blood that made me feel sick and blurr.... i woke up in a hospital.. of course the wound was so bad hat i needed stitches... hey dun go thinkin that they will put u to sleep.. the doctor had to stitch me while i was awake.. bad time to stay awake... it hurt soooooo much... anyway.. continueing... i was bullied in kindergarten and in primary and now sec... the only friends i ever had were ching wei.. i met him in kindergarten... of course my meetin with him was an accident... joshua kovipilay.. met him in primary. and reylan.. also met in primary... and now. i would be happy to say that i can add another friend into the picture of my best friends... HOPE YOUR READING THIS FIRDAUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! YUP ITS U... thanks bud... =) my friends were the only ones who made me laugh.. my best friends were the ones who made me laugh the most... ever since i left kindergarten, i have nvr felt fun anymore... other than meeting my 2 other best friends... but goin bak. i had nvr felt any fun after that... i finally felt wad fun was like after goin to the class chalet... the fun i felt was jus like when i met my best friends. those class mates who went to the challet, those were my friends and firdaus was my best friends (no offence to the others) now i feal like i was bak in kindergarten.. this fun will stay with me till i die...

I'M BAK!!!!!! NOT FOR LONG THOUGH

WOOOOHOOOOOO bak from australia!!!!!!!!!!!! U know something? australia is summer time but the weird thing is that its cold over there.......... freaky........ and theres rain.... usually during summer, plants will turn brown but somehow, they all remain green cause of the freaky weather..... i blame it on gobal warming.... anyway, i was at bondi (bon-die) beach like 2 days ago and it was like very sunny and EXTREMELY windy.... so u will get pelted by sand when the wind blows.... u might think it will be nice to gon into the warm water but u are sooooo wrong!!!!!!!!!!!! the water is fuc**** cold man... the water there is from the pacific ocean!!!!!! the waves are nice so u can body surf or surf but the water is damn cold man.. its like ice water!!!!!!!

fun.... never felt like dis in a long time... part 1

The challet was very fun... I haven't felt like that in a long time... denverson and i were actually having fun... we got along quite well together. our guess was because there was no more stress about school and all that which was y we actually got along soo well.. day 1 was fun although if i wasn't soo lazy to leave my house, (iit was a monday and i hate monadays even when it is the holidays.. don't ask me y...) i might have been able to get there and go to wild wild wet together wif the others... oh well.. during the day, the bbq wasn't sooo successful but after the day, when everyone else was gone but the boys staying over, the bbq was allot more successful... denverson and i were trying to get e fire but the fire died of very fast... no more fire starter... soo wad did we do? hmhmhmhmhm gues u gonna have to wait for me to post the second part....

To Be Continued...

End Of Part 1

confused

i'm soooooooo confused. i don't know how to continue to live on in the dark. will some one ever help me and pull me out to see the light??? this pain is something that is always inside of me.... no one knows about it.... its been kept inside of mefor sooo long.... yet no matter how much i try to get rid of the pain.... it always come back.... am i to forever live in the emptyness of the darkness and live forever in the shadow alone nvr to see the light?????? i don't want to but... i jus can't seem to rid myself of this pain.... knowing that i am hated by everyone..... even those that i love...... (not my family) i don't even know if i have friends.... many people take me for the person they see on the outside... hot headed, always wanting the attention... yes it is true that i am hot headed.. i get angry easily.. yes i do try to get attention from people but.... i live in a whole other secret life that no one knows of.... and having that secret life (which i have already told you guys) is what makes me feel like i am totally different than everyone else... like i am all alone.... in my class, the students there do alot of funny things that they enjoy doing but.... to me, those acts are just stupid.... like some one from my class who bets with people when he trows a papper ball into the trash bin... some find it fun.. i find it stupid... many other things as well......... i jus don't know y i am soo different.... guess i will nvr figure it out... right now, the only thing i'm trying to figure out is how am i to release myself from the pain and darkness.